vitals

My heart beats loud and fast. I have been looking at my paperwork all night, going over each little detail in my mind, trying to remember all the important details. My stomach does flip flops, and I cannot silence the thoughts racing through my head. My concerns are many. I recall my comfort zone, I haven't seen it for months.

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Vitals are the basics, they start to give us a picture of how the patient is doing. They were the first thing that we had to show we knew, and they are the first thing that we do with our patients. Temperature, pulse, respirations, and blood pressure. They require close proximity and a degree of intimacy with our patient. We have to work fast when we walk through the door to make introductions, and to get to know this other person.

Temperature is easy, there are thermometers now that can take the temp in 3 secs from the ear. The other three require you to touch and really listen to the patient.

To calm my own heart, to silence my own fears takes effort. I pray that I can focus on my patient. I need to concentrate on what he needs, not on me. Yeah, I'm tired, I should have had the second coffee. I'm overwhelmed with the responsibility. I'm missing my kids and husband like I could never succinctly describe. I have no idea how much studying and homework I need to do in a few hours and I don't want to know.

"Ok, go in and get your vitals and we can start our day."

I feel that to do this to the best of my ability, I have to completely focus on the patient. I see the big blue or brown watery eyes looking at me as soon as I walk in the door. They tell me much more than the "hello, how is your hospital stay?" weakly asks. As I reach for the pulse I don't know if I'm counting their heart beats or mine. I listen to the blood pressure. This is the life flowing through his body. I can hear how it is, if its high and stressed or low and weak.

Can you tell me how you would rate your pain on a scale of 0-10? I can tell its going to be high. I can't do anything about it, I'm just the student. I have to go find the primary nurse and see if we can do anything.
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No one asks me to rate my anxiety on a scale of 0-10. It would probably be high, too. Anxiety of how today is going, how my family is doing without me, and what I need to do on the weekend to make up the days that I wasn't there. My anxiety about what's next. And the anxiety of touching another patient. God let my anxiety be stilled. Please bring it down to a 4/10 I think that would be manageable.
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As the morning progresses, we have our rapport built, we make inquiries, and requests. Does this hurt? Can you cross your arms so we can roll you to the other side? How long have you been in school? Where did you grow up? Do you have many visitors?

Usually there is a story shared about football or baking bread, carving pumpkins, or silence when there isn't any talking. Then the small braid in the hair, the soft feet, silent tears or a tattoo on the arm tells a story without words. A glimpse of the humanity of this person. I think about how You might love them, the laughter and tears that have been shared. Each person is so unique.
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My anxiety is lower, maybe about a 5/10. I don't think about my worries, I am caught up in the patient. Doing the tasks that they aren't able. Asking the primary nurse if we can do this or that. Encourage them to walk the halls to see what's going on. I glance at the clock. The time has flown, just like I wanted it to last night. But I am sad, each second brings me closer to saying goodbye. I won't see this patient again. I will not know the resolution of this hospitalization.

It makes me sad. Other students have said that they have run into a patient months later and they have recognized each other and thanked the student for caring. The patient that I had so much anxiety about touching and listening to their heart has touched mine. I thought that I was doing this to help other people. I didn't realize that nursing would help me.

l'chaim, godseeker!