Clarity

The first round of stuffy heads is making its rounds through my household. The stuffiness set in just in time to cause craziness for me right before the killer chem test. I thought that I would have a whole free day the day before because my anatomy class has already taken break. I had it planned, roast in the crock pot first thing in the morning, do some quick straightening. Start in on teaching B next, as he worked towards his independent work, I would start in on going over chemistry. Work through the practice problems, find some extra study help online to work through. I would know the info forwards and backwards.

And then I woke up yesterday morning. scratchy throat. stuffy head. yech. No need to change plans much, but maybe I'll take a nap instead of working through so many practice problems. Then the kids woke up. They weren't good either. Now many kids do that whole stay in bed and be waited on all day thing. Maybe put in some good old movies and snuggle with hot tea. Nope, not my 3 year old, not this time.

High energy all day, bent on destroying everything in sight. In essence, if he's not feeling well, no one nor anything else will either. 'Please, God just give me some patience with J and some clarity with Chem.' Very little was actually accomplished yesterday.

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A couple weeks ago we pulled into the driveway after dark.. The moon was full and bright enough that the light penetrated through the blanket clouds. B noted how nifty that effect was. I explained that the clouds were translucent. Not thick enough to completely block the bright moon and not clear either.

About 30 minutes later I took the dog out for a quick walk. Interestingly enough, in that short of time all the clouds had been swept away and the stars were shining brightly along with the moon. Its breathtaking to see all those lights twinkling on the velvety dark background on the November sky.

Clarity. Please, God, through the muddle that my life is, give me clarity - sweep away the clouds of regret and sadness and distractions - keep me focused. Keep my mind as crisp as this November night. Be the moon and the stars that guide me.
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The constellation Orion greeted me. Hello old friend. I think I've written about the stars and constellations before, so forgive me. Orion is often striking to me on the nights that are so clear. Of course, in 29 years, clarity isn't always so simple.

Teenagers often challenge their mortality. Living like their immortal, dangerously balancing on the edge of life and death. The first time someone close to you loses their life it is shocking. In fact, I don't believe death ever loses its bite. I ran outside and looked at the stars, concentrating on something that would take my mind off of the pain. Wiping away the tears and trying to remember the formations of the stars. Praying for someone who was gone.

Then again, a couple years later, laying on the frozen ground, sleet stinging on my face, losing the feeling in my hands and feet. Knowing that it was hopeless. The clouds in the sky broke and through them the stars twinkled out at me. Blinking through the ice droplets, I could see Orion peeking at me. I pray that I'll see daylight again. I had to get up and keep going - that much was clear.

So anyway now, my clarity is much crisper now. Maybe a little excessively. But I still appreciate the encouragement that God has written into the sky for me (and well everyone really.)
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So this morning, I'm feeling stuffy and icky. My phone won't stop ringing and my children weren't being the self starters (not a surprise) I have the chemistry test hanging over my head, but I'm in too much of a rush to review my notes or think chemistry thoughts even. And I don't really care. Just take one thing at a time, right? Sure, whatever...

So I get to class and sit down. The test is handed out right away... here we go. Stuffiness and clouds sweep aside and the next 45 minutes I have clarity that I know could only be grace. Needless to say, I did Ok on the test. It was a difficult one. I wouldn't have been able to do it without clarity.