perspective

Its been a few weeks. Not much has been going on. It seems like classes are starting to blend seamlessly with the rest of my life. The boys are adjusting well. I'm adjusting well and love learning all kinds of new things. Good times :)

----

I've never been to hung up on being in the 'in crowd' or not being there. Needless to say since it wasn't important, I was *so* not 'in'. Therefore its never been a concern of mine whether my boys were 'in' or not. After all they are boys and boys seem to be just not concerned about that sort of thing.

Enter the Birthday. We had the birthday party for B last Saturday. B'day parties aren't high on my priority list, but I try to make the day special for the boys. And we celebrate every passing year, in a special way. Some years I'll wake them up extra early and 'make' them eat cake for breakfast. One year we took B to Chicago for the day. Sometimes we will do the party thing.

B has always wanted a mini golf birthday party, but because his b-day is in mid October and we live in the midwest that has never been possible. Too cold and the mini golf place closes at the end of September. Well after much nagging this year, we booked the last available day to have the party, Oct. 4th. I figure, its just to celebrate the passing of time, it doesn't have to be on the day, we will do it.

So we go and invite all the kids that B is friends with. Being that we homeschool - there weren't very many to begin with and then there was a make up football game for 1/2 of them that had been rescheduled to the day. Well, there were just a handful that were able to be at the party. I was dissappointed, but oh well, its just a day and a time for fun for B and whoever can join him.

Like I said - I'm not concerned. Day of the party, we head over to the mini golf place. There was a party ahead of us. Again not a big deal. Until... a kid from the other party came up to B. It was someone he knew from one of the many activities the kids is in. He asked why B was there. B explains and the kids like where are all your friends? Its your party right?

At that moment it dawned on me. The party before ours was for a kid about the same age as B - it was one of those huge knock down drag out blasts of a party that all the kids are wanting to go to because 'everyone' is going. Like think 50 of your best-est friends in the world. (insert eye roll) Ok, then here's B's group, a mixed sort of group, 5 really tight friends, boys his age or younger or older, a girl, and J. Oh and then various older family members that wanted to see the birthday boy.

So there it was... A twinge of jealousy. I think my eye twitched as this boy from the other party asked again, so where are they? I don't remember how B handled it, I'm sure he did fine - despite a rough early start at socialism, his social skills are excellent for his age. Usually just the right mix of humor and a sparkling of wit and sarcasm for tough situations.

And for a few moments I watched the 'in' crowd. I was curious for a bit, what do 'in' people do? I lived vicariously through them, just for a bit. Then I looked back at my boy at his 11th b'day party. His friends were laughing and joking. Mutual acceptance. Everyone was comfortable with each other and with the adults. Relaxed fun. I glanced back at the 'in' crowd. Everyone is glancing at each other. Checking to make sure they were 'ok'. Making sure that that their presents or jokes where the best. Fun, but not quite so relaxed. Actually, if there was a 'how to be the best party attendee' award, a few of these kids would have been winners.

Jealousy cured. I love being ourselves. Take us or leave us just as we are. We aren't popular or perfect, but at least we know that we are liked.