I've been thinking a lot about life and death lately. Nothing morbid, just comes with what has been going on. Several things. First as my Selah sisters know we have a cat that I have had for 10 years. Now this cat has gotten to be not so nice. In fact he started to bite and has taken to relieving himself on my children's toys. Well, I have combated this for 7 years. Yes 7, I checked with the vet. Long story short, I obviously love the cat or would not have put up with it this long. It was a pretty good cat. Plus I am one of those people that beliefs pet as a cute kitten, pet for life. My kids also love the cat. Even though the cat wants nothing to do with the kids. Well, the other day the vet called and my husband and I had to decide to put the cat down. This is not an easy decision. I really turmoiled with the guilt, fairness, and all aspects of the issue. It was best, overall, for the family and the cat that his life end.
And so that night we had the championship little league game. We waited and said nothing to the children. It was a tight game. I found my self screaming and cheering more than I ever have. Praying for a win. Hoping that would make the news a little less painful. We lost. I got home with my oldest son and was waiting for my husband and youngest boy to break the news as a family. Then he did it. My oldest son went running through the house calling, "kitty kitty kitty". I about lost it. "Mom, where is the cat?" came the question. "At the vet" was all I could muster. His body was, in fact, at the vet. "When's he coming home?" Well, how do I answer that? "Uhm...err...ya see...hey sorry about the game...I mean...well your dad..." Ok even to a 7 year old I sounded like an idiot. "When is he coming home, mom?" More direct this time. I had it at this point I had to tell him. "He's not." was all I could say. Then I lost it.
We both cried. My husband got home, we told our littlest one. We all cried. My 3 year old looked up and said "kitty died for our sins." Which gave us all a chuckle. And we followed up explaining no Jesus died for our sins. My older son had a memorial service the next day. I was very impressed with how he handled it. We had family over and he played a Michael W. Smith song I think it's "Friends Forever" and he prayed.
A few weeks have passed now. I still miss the cat. The oldest one still cries every now and then. The little one wants a dog. And I keep thinking about how we mourn with hope. That we know we will see our loved ones again. The oldest wanted to know if there are cats in heaven. I told him I don't see why not. The bible talks about other animals. So there could be cats.
We were getting ready to go visit some family in St. Louis the other day. My kids were very excited to see their second cousins. Then we got a phone call that my husbands aunt died. Plans changed. This was the grandma of those cousins my kids were going to visit. Our hearts broke a little that day. She died unexpectedly in her sleep. She ws a wonderful woman and role model. I really enjoyed her company. I can't help but feel a little joy for her. I know (as did she) that she is now with Jesus. I know she is hearing those words, "well done my good and faithful servant." I know the plan is Gods and not my own. He knows why she had to go now. And I also know I will see her on the day Jesus comes in on the clouds.
My oldest son has a school friend, J. that had a grandma die this week as well. He asked to send her a get well card. (The friend not the grandma) and so we did. I think loosing his cat has made him think about how his friend must feel. He picked a card with a verse from proverbs, "A friend loves at all times". In it he wrote "J. you're grandma died. I hope you feel better soon." When we sent a plant to the funeral home we requested that J. receive it after services. This was my son's idea. He wanted her to have something to care for and remind her of her grandma. Just like we have a little cat memorial area in our sun room now. Funny how kids adapt and learn very quickly.
Lastly, one of our Selah sisters had a baby. A beautiful girl. What a thing of God both life and death. He decides when and where we come into this world. He stays with us through it all and He is there to great us when our work here is done.
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2 comments:
On Wednesday night at our dGroup, I was asked to give the prayer. Our prayer requests had 2 deaths, 2 struggles with life circumstances and 2 births. It has been said that this life is just a vapor. But we get to choose how we live while we have the opportunity to be here. I have a problem, with always saying, I'll do it tomorrow, later... sometime. My prayers have been that we do it now, send the card, do the good deed, share the good news, now! I am glad that so many that have passed this week are going to heaven, where we will see them again.
Heiress, we do mourn with hope. And it does seem a comfort to watch our kids adapt to death and accept it as a part of life.
A few weeks ago my oldest, 5, watched as President Reagan's family said their final goodbyes. I felt it was okay to let her watch. She's tenderhearted, but she knows how they felt since she lost a bird last year (at least that's how she looks at it). She's definitely looking forward to heaven.
A few days later she asked me where my daddy was. I told her he's in heaven. Then she asked, "He DIED?" I said, "Yes, he died." "Then you're SAD!" I hadn't cried about it in years, but I almost cried then. I just softly said "Yeah," struggling a little to hold back the tears. Then later I went back and explained to her that we're very sad at first, but we know our loved ones are in heaven, and so the memories get sweeter and less sad.
Heiress, even memories of a challenging cat will sweeten, and the boys will remember the times he was nice. So many losses at once. It's a good thing we hope.
Love ya Selah sis,
-Godseeker
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